Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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