At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
