if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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