Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
its liver damage thursday
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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