Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
