hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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