Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
