Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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