Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Shame - the story of my life.
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