somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Come share oat with me in your robe
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
