I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
