Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
