I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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