peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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