Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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