Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
