The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
