My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
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He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
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I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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