was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
where are my eyebrows?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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