so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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