I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
