Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
