pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
