Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
