The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
