i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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