its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
