i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
