plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Randomize
