We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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