so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
