and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
