This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
