Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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