This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
