is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
