Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize