Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
