He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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