Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
