yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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