I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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