Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My dick has a subreddit
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
