$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
