Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Someone signed my nipple.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
