so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
