I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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