I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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