I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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