Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
