Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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