Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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