hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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