Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
