Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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