We named our party play list daddy issues
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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