God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
