yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Hippo gnu deer
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
