Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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