I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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