May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
