So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
