I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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