Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
