I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
