Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
