she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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