i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
