you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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